the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
