dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
