her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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