R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
