She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
