I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
