I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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