Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
