Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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