I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
