No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
