I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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