3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
should my penis look like a turkey
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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