I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
