shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
