so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can I color on your dick again?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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