Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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