Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
