just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize