we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
