Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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