So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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