this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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