you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
