It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
