All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
