You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
