Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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