Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
thus making me awesome and them whores
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
