I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
