whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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