I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
