Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
