I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
