Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
