oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I deserve this hangover.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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