I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
