we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
