last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just pee around me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
