Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
