I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
