this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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