omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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