last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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