if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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