well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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