ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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