He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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