Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
