I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
