Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize