She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
