then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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