i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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