ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
