You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize