please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
