sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
