the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
