a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
