after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
