He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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