WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
