He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
