i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
