on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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