I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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