He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
