my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
