So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
