I wanna bring you to show and tell
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize