There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sext me about skeletons
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
