I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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