i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
