Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
