I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
