Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
