He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
