I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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