if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
