I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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