She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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