"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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