she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you inspire me to be a worse person
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
