That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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