please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
