If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
where are my eyebrows?
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