eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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