How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
