No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize