The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
