So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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