dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
