I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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